Ah, Belmont. Following yesterday's Martin Luther King/Dixie protest, a half-naked mud wrestler decided to throw himself through the window of Stumptown Coffee yesterday afternoon.
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"Two guys had been messing around in their back yard sitting in a kiddy pool or something, and then it turned into mud wrestling, and I guess they thought it would be funny to run around the streets," says Stumptown Barista Tim Root. "One of the guys thought it would be funny to jump up on the window here, and then try to leave like a mud smear all the way down, but it just totally shattered, and they ran off."
Root took off running after the muddy vandal, along with one of the Stumptown roasters and "about eight" customers, asking locals which way they went.
"It wasn't difficult to spot the guys, because they were covered in mud," Root continues. "Eventually we found one of them and he was on his cellphone to the shop, saying he'd be willing to pay for the damage."
The cops got involved, but only to help the mud wrestlers exchange information with the business. "I hope they didn't get in too much trouble," says Root, who is now looking at a 6ft by 10ft plywood board on the front of the shop.
"A small group of individuals decided to do some mud wrestling in the back yard of their house," says the cops' Public Information Officer Brian Schmautz. "After they were muddy they decided it would be fun to run down Belmont, all muddy. A couple of them thought it would be funny to leave their muddy person print up against the shop window. And when they did that, it shattered. And they got scared and ran. The officers caught up with them, they apologized, said it wasn't intentional, and the officers said they seemed like decent people just out doing a little mud wrestling, and the individuals civilly compromised [paid for the damage] with the business."
"For the officers to arrest someone the victim has to want to prosecute," says Schmautz. Email your tips to firstname.lastname@example.org.