The Iran foreign minister has dismissed the idea of an attack from the United States, leading President Bush to say, "Heyyyy... then how are we supposed to make you do what we want?"
As Sarah reported yesterday, Starbucks will be closing 600 of their shops -- which is about half of their Pearl District locations, right?
Angelina Jolie's obstetrician is calling a special press conference today, probably to announce, "Hey! I'm Angelina Jolie's obstetrician! Woo-hoo!"
U.S. advisers have been instructing the Mexican police in torture techniques. At least Mexico knows what we're good at.
Fred Myer and QFC recall ground beef because of safety concerns (for humans, that is... not cows).
Guys! We cannot let Barack Obama win this election! Otherwise... STEPHEN BALDWIN MAY LEAVE THE COUNTRY!!