Bush to American public: "The reason you have high gas prices is because Congress won't let me destroy the environment! BLAME THEM!"

The House Judiciary Committee has voted to hold Karl Rove in contempt for ignoring a subpoena. Funny... I've held him in contempt for years. Ba-dum-DUM! Chssst!

Southern California is shaken by a 5.4 magnitude earthquake, but it wasn't "the big one" according to scientists. (Because Southern California is still there.)

The L.A. city council is putting a moratorium on new fast food restaurants because of rising obesity rates among children in certain neighborhoods. Thank god Pizza Hut can deliver the Pizone!

A Eugene lawmaker is proposing a mandatory bike helmet law. And guys will also have to wear those tight "shants" ( a cross between shorts and pants).

What does Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Barack Obama have in common? John McCain's newest ad sez that NONE OF THEM should be president!