According to two Iraqi officials, Iraq and the U.S. have worked out a deal to withdraw all American combat troops by 2010. Ahhhhh... two more glorious years of KILLING. It's like hitting the snooze button!
Prosecutors suggest a 30 year sentence for Osama bin Laden's chauffeur. And I think we should give at least 18 years to Osama bin Laden's kitten!
Google has launched a new music service in China allowing anyone to download songs for free. So now I have to move to Beijing to legally download "I Kissed a Girl"?
Finally! Waterboarding has moved from Guantanamo Bay to where it really belongs: a New York amusement park!
A man admits to murdering his Gresham victim -- but only after the judge provides "a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream." Take THAT, McDonalds!
Here's a headline you've been waiting to read for at least a week: "NO AMPUTATION FOR SHIA LABEOUF."
And finally, Craig Robinson (AKA Daryl from The Office) shares an extremely important NSFW message on something that can literally change your life. (Is this "news"? Well, it was news to me.)
Yes, that's right... this is an actual screen saver that you can download here!