HUMAN DOLPHIN!!! Michael Phelps wins his 9th Olympic gold.

BURGER BATH!!! Burger King employees in Ohio get fired after one of them takes a bath in the store's sink.


A man in Des Moines is arrested after trying to cut his dog, Pooper's, balls off with a razor blade.

FAUXLYMPICS!!! The Chinese artificially enhanced 55 seconds of fireworks footage during the opening ceremony. They also lip-synched a 9-year-old's national anthem because the real singer had crooked teeth.

CHIP'N'CHEERFUL!!! A British couple is forced to order 50 portions of fish and chips at their wedding, after caterer goes AWOL. Guess which newspaper has the scoop.

And with all that I almost forgot, there's still a war on in Georgia.

Good day.