The following notice is printed in the paper that's currently hitting the streets, but there's no reason at all to leave the denizens of Blogtown out of the loop. The short version: The Mercury's looking for funny, awkward, and horrifying stories of school-related sex for our upcoming Back to School issue! The long version:

Remember losing your virginity in high school? Or college? Or (gulp!) junior high school? Did you have a hee-larious mix-up with a condom, a forbidden intimate encounter with a hot teacher, or an all-out pregnancy scare? Did you first do it in a car, at a football game, or in an empty classroom? If so, we want to hear from you--and just like in school, we want you to write an essay! In 300 words or less, detail your funniest, sexiest, weirdest, most awkward, best, or worst story about losing your virginity--and if yours is the best, you'll win $100 cash money, along with bragging (or denying) rights when your story is published in the Mercury's upcoming Back to School Issue! (Don't worry! If requested, we'll run the stories anonymously.) Email your tales of love and woe to deflowered@portlandmercury.com no later than Tuesday, September 2!

So there you go. Get to it.

LEGAL NOTICE: Okay, so despite the image above, the Mercury's essay contest might not be "officially" endorsed by Tina Fey. But we like to think she'd probably be pretty cool with it.