1.PALIN DOLLS!!! I'd prefer mine life size, but it's a start...

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2.SARAH PAY-LIN!!! Billed taxpayers for 319 nights spent at home during her first 19 months in office. Not that this will matter a toss to the idiots about to vote for her, but still...

3.OBAMA BROKE!!! Well...nearly broke...or something...

4.PRETTY THAI'D UP!!! The Thai prime minister is forced to resign after accepting payment for his appearance on a TV cooking show.

5.RUSHDIE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR BOOKER!!! I blame the enchantress Padma Lakshmi. But you've had a good run, Salman. You've had a good run.

6.SHORT BECK'N'SIDES!!! Posh Spice flaunts a surprise new hairdo at New York fashion week.

7.STERN WORDS!!! DJ Howard will auction a young lady's virginity on the radio.

Good day.