1.ECONOMY IN THE CRAPPER!!! Or it was yesterday. The problem with a nervous market is, it goes down, then it comes up again, then it goes down again...nobody knows what's going to happen. Yesterday's losses were the worst since 9/11, though. Just hold on to your IRA. It's madness to pull out now.

2.ART AUCTION RECORD!!! Damien Hirst's work makes $125m.

3.CHASSE ANNIVERSARY!!! There's a protest today at noon downtown.

4.COPS TASER NAKED MAN WALKING DOG!!! Shocking.

5.RECORD PAIR SIZE EACH OTHER UP!!! World's shortest man meets world's longest legs.

Good day.