Do you already have your 2009 calendar? YOU DON'T?!? Ummm... well, unless you want a completely DUMBASS kitty calendar from Fred Meyer, then you better start searching the internets NOW for a calendar that won't make your friends puke. Unless of course... that's your intention.

BEHOLD THE SARAH PALIN 2009 CALENDAR!

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Since a measly half of 2008 wasn't nearly enough "Sarah" for me, I'll be THRILLED to see her every stinking month of 2009 on the wall of my bedroom or toilet. Plus! All the photos are taken by famed Wasilla, Alaska photographer Judy Patrick who includes over 50 never-before-seen snaps of the Palin family -- including a pre-preggo Bristol!

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Is it a beautiful dream? Well, I don't know. Do beautiful dreams only cost a scant $15.95? In the case of this collectible calendar, the answer is yes, Yes, YES! And if you order now, they will also include a "pre-drilled hole for hanging" absolutely free! "Drill, baby, drill!"

So what the fuck are you waiting for? BUY YOUR SARAH PALIN 2009 CALENDAR HERE AND NOW, YOU STINKING A-HOLE! (Printed and published in the good ol' U.S. of A. Suck on THAT, Vladimir Putin!)