So I take back everything even remotely nice that I ever said about The Clone Wars. Last weekend's episode was an excruciating 20-minute-long endurance test in which C-3PO and Jar Jar Binks formed an unholy alliance with the single-minded goal of annoying the shit out of anyone unfortunate enough to be watching. The following image is from this episode.


This image is haunting. There is no other word for it.

Moving on too less depressing, yet still incredibly geeky, matters:


Yes! That's the appropriately named Star Wars Shop (the "largest Star Wars and G.I. Joe store on the West Coast!!!"), which is located in the bustling metropolis of downtown Milwaukie, Oregon, on SE 21st between Washington and Jefferson. Before Monday, I had no idea it existed--let alone of its mystical power to heal the pain caused by 20 solid minutes of Jar Jar/3PO hijinx. Indeed, Star Wars Shop is a place of beautiful wonders.

Apparently, Star Wars Shop has been around for like two years, and yet nobody has ever bothered to tell me about it, because apparently, no one cares about my happiness. (Thanks for nothing, everyone.) The dude working there was wearing a t-shirt that said "Vader was framed," though he told me that rather than Star Wars, he was a "pretty hardcore" collector of G.I. Joe. As for the store itself, the whole place is packed full of Star Wars toys both old and new, with a wall of G.I. Joes for good measure.


Then there are these two. Yoda's fine, but I really don't want to know what unsavory incident occurred that necessitated the "don't touch" sign taped on the thigh of this tarted-up Leia.



Vader Was Framed asked me if I was a collector, to which I replied in the negative: If I get a toy I'll usually unwrap it make it fight other toys. "You'd be surprised how many collectors come in and buy stuff and tear it right out of the packaging," V.W.F. said. "Otherwise it takes all the fun out of it."

In summation, Star Wars Shop is a weird and fantastic and just a little bit creepy, and they're also having a huge sale on the day after Thanksgiving, with a ton of action figures slashed down to half-price, and they totally won't care if you unwrap them and make them fight each other.

Also, their receipts have clone troopers printed on them, which I'm pretty sure should be a policy adopted by every business, regardless of what goods or services they provide.