Giving gifts to drunkards really isn't too hard. Basically, all you need to do is give them booze, or something to put their booze in. But preferably, you give them booze. Still, there's not a lot of adventure in throwing a bottle of bottom shelf scotch on your significant others lap after they've passed out next to the fire—just another eggnog victim on Christmas Eve.

Lets imagine another scenario: It's Christmas day and you've waited long enough for your significant other to rekindle their holiday buzz with a good amount of Irish coffee. Once again their cheeks are aglow, and yet they are confused because they didn't wake up with a bottle of cheap scotch in their laps, like previous years. When they look at you, their eyes seem to say, "I will strangle you with a fawking popcorn garland if you haven't bought me booze."

That's when you dive under the tree and retrieve the spoils you won from the Mercury On-Line Charity Auction! If you walked away with the Cocktail Culture package, you can plop down a couple bottles of Artisan Spirits amazing Martin Ryan vodka and watch your partners eyes glow with lust and delight. Then you can whip out the $140 gift certificate to New Old Lompoc, redeemable for a full keg of their amazing beer! And what's that beneath the tree? Two custom wine glasses from Elsa + Sam? But that's not all. To top the whole thing off, the package includes a private cocktail class from Lance Mayhew with me and eight of your closest friends, AND a tour of the micro distilleries I've covered in Lush Life! Holy She-at!

Of course, you could also break the gifts up and give one for each day of Hanukkah (some of the best drunkards were Jewish). Or, just keep them all for yourself.

Your Beer-Themed Home package, which includes a vintage Old Style light up beer sign that I'm totally coveting right now.


Both of these packages are a great deal right now. The Cocktail Culture package itself is worth at least $400, but the bid right now is almost half that. So, you have until 5pm today to get your bid in and put a smile on your favorite drunkards face. Even if that favorite drunkard is yourself.

Plus, all proceeds are going to Portland Women's Crisis Line, which has likely responded to many situations brought about by the darker side of drink. It's a good cause for any responsible drunkard.