There's a ton of hot auction action going on RIGHT NOW, and you only have one hour left! (Auction ends at 5 pm today!) Bid now and bid big if you don't want your holiday gift stolen from underneath your tree!
And don't forget, Marjorie and I will help you duplicate a prosthetic imitation of your very own penis if you donate here before 5 pm!
HELP OUT PORTLAND WOMEN'S CRISIS LINE! BID, BID, BID!