A bomb near a Baghdad police station kills 18 in another example of escalating violence in Iraq. (President Bush? Stay away! The shoes should've been a hint!)

When asked to tell his side of the story, Gov. Rod Blagojevich tells reporters to "hang loose." Reporters respond, "Sure… whatever dude! Let's go ride some tasty waves!"

Obama wins Time magazine's "Person of the Year." Heidi Montag wins Wired magazine's "Sex Android of the Millennium." That's a Hills joke. Why doesn't anyone in Portland watch this show except for me? Don't answer that.

And speaking of The HillsSpeidi-gate Update! After Heidi and Spencer's fake wedding in Cabo, now they've been caught faking a wedding in the states! There you go, Prop 8 supporters. SATISFIED?

Poor little 3-year-old Adolf Hitler doesn't get a birthday cake. Well, maybe he should've thought about that before he killed a million Jews in the year 2028!

Arctic Apocalypse '08 continues! The National Weather Service predicts that by 10 am, we will all be buried alive under two inches of snow! PANIC!! Oh, sweet Jesus… I can't breathe… I CAN'T BREATHE!