75% of those polled say they're "glad Bush is done." See? His ratings are improving!

Fearing a ground invasion from India, Pakistan moves its troops to the border. Just keep those fingers off the button!

In order to gain more cooperation, the CIA is giving Afghani warlords VIAGRA. Sounds like an insult to me… on the other hand, I would be more cooperative with the U.S. government if they gave me Viagra, too.

A day after shooting up a Christmas party, a pipe bomb explodes in the rental car of the Santa Shooter. WTF?! This guy was the worst Santa EVER!

RNC candidate Chip Saltsman distributes a CD with the song "Barack the Magic Negro." Saltsman calls it "a light-hearted political parody." I'm pretty sure most African Americans might think otherwise.

Americans now get more of their news from the internet than newspapers. HA! HA! HAAAA!! Wait. I own a newspaper.

Ben Stiller breaks wrist snowboarding. HA! HA! HAAAA!! Wait. I like Ben Stiller.

Dog shoplifts bone from grocery store—and no, it wasn't Winona Ryder. HA! HA! HAAAA!! I don't like Winona Ryder.