After considering a truce, Israel decides to keep bombing the shit out of Hamas for awhile. But don't get them wrong! They're totally open to not bombing the shit out of them at some point in the future.
Senate democratic leadership have three words for Gov. Rod Blagojevich's appointment of Roland Burris: OH, HELL NO!
And as for Roland Burris, while he thinks the governor's behavior is "reprehensible" there's no taint on him! (Heh. He said "taint.")
Comedian (?) Dane Cook's half-brother is charged with embezzling millions from the entertainer (?).
Every Zune 30 media player in the world froze up last night and refuses to work. The terrorists have struck again!!
An 88-year-old Troutdale woman fends off a naked attacker by squeezing his testicles. And not in a sexy way, either! (Please stay with this story, just to hear the suspect's name!)