SONY LOSES $1BILLION!!! Apparently there's less demand for these than there used to be:
BLUMENAUER THE BICYCLE EVANGELIST!!! Or as Jack Bogdanski calls him, "Earl The Pearl," gets a full page
But Mr. Blumenauer’s goals are larger than putting Americans on two wheels. He seeks to create what he calls a more sustainable society, including wiser use of energy, farming that improves the land rather than degrades it, an end to taxpayer subsidies for unwise development — and a transportation infrastructure that looks beyond the car.
CLINTON GRILLED ABOUT HER HUSBAND!!! All those foreign governments who donated to Bill's library might present a conflict of interest for the would-be secretary of state.
MADOFF PLEA DEAL!!! Because the last place we'll ever see Bernie is in court...
CLOSING GITMO WILL TAKE A YEAR!!! It's a good job, because Mercury freelancer Sarah Mirk is currently touring the UK, talking about how evil the place is, and we'd hate for her hard work to be historically redundant before she returned. Come back, Smirk! Come back soon!
KNICKS STAR IN HARASSMENT SUIT!!! Eddy Curry's chauffeur, David Kuchinsky, has filed suit against Curry for alleged sexual harassment. Among the allegations: Curry tried to solicit sex from Kuchinsky; confronted him in the nude; pointed a loaded gun at him; and called him a “white devil” and “grandmaster of the KKK.” Curry denies the allegations.
COPS WON'T 'FRISK' TRANNIES!!! The Sun has the fair and balanced truth.
EXECUTIVE FAKES OWN DEATH!!! Well, almost...