Happy 200th birthday Abraham Lincoln and Arsenio Hall!
The final details of the stimulus package are still being argued over, after Senators slashed money from… where else? Education. NICE.
Hundreds of same-sex couples in NYC protested being denied the right to marry by going to the city marriage bureau and demanding marriage licenses anyway. WOOT!
Russian and U.S. satellites collide in space—after which the American pulls out a golf club from his back seat and starts bashing the Rooskie's windshield.
Hillbilly cops are trying to make a case against bong-huffing Olympian Michael Phelps.
Remember Chris Brown? Who allegedly beat his girlfriend Rihanna? He's in the running to win a NAACP Image Award. Awwwwkward!
Wait. You really want to see AWKWARD? Please, please, PLEASE watch this heee-larious clip of Joaquin Phoenix last night on David Letterman. He's set a whole new standard for "funcomfortable."