OBAMA FINGERS!!! A German packaged food company shoots...and scores.

FERTIG GEBRATEN: MIT CURRY DIP...

MACGYVER THE MOVIE!!! "We think we're a stick of chewing gum, a paper clip and an A-list writer away from a global franchise," says Richard Brener from New Line, who is quite possibly paid huge amounts of money to sound like a total dick, even when giving quote about MacGyver the Movie, which I hereby predict will be awful, just because Richard Brener is involved, with his sloppy mouth.

AIG!!! Pays out $165m in executive bonuses, breaking the news on a Sunday. The Obama administration "fears a popular backlash" to the move.

CIA JAILS WERE TORTURE!!! Says the Red Cross.

RUTH MAKES OFF!!! With the cash Bernie made off with. There's a pun in there somewhere. You find it.

NAPPY HEADED CANCER!!! Don Imus blames "stress," not racism.

LOHAN SKIPS COURT!!! And sends her lawyer down, instead. coughTWOTIERJUSTICESYSTEMcough...cough...

OBAMA DOLL!!! Also from Germany:

DOLL: COMPLETELY INOFFENSIVE...

Good day.