JAPANESE MAN SURVIVES TWO ATOM BOMBS, IS FOUND!!! Tsutomu Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on August 6, 1945. He returned the next day to his hometown of Nagasaki, which was bombed three days later. Yamaguchi's real name is "Lucky McLuckerson," apparently.
CONGRESS GRILLS GEITHNER, BERNANKE!!! But the Dow is up 6 percent. Chillax.
WOODY ALLEN SICS LOBSTERS ON MADOFF!!! Also: Is still not dead yet!
OBAMA PLANS TO MEET WITH LIBERAL BLOGGERS!!! It'll be just like the special Olympics.
CHINA WANTS NEW WORLD CURRENCY!!! Because the dollar is old hat.
AIG SELLS CORPORATE JETS!!! And nine out of 10 biggest bonuses are given back.
GOP TELLS CHENEY "GO FUCK YOURSELF"!!! In as many words.
COWELL RESPONDS TO OBAMA JAB!!! On Leno:
COWELL: "And her husband called me a sponger...and then I mumbled something and he wandered off..."
THE SUICIDE GENE!!! The tragic death of Silvia Plath's son last week prompts Casey Schwartz to ask questions. Although if my dad was Ted Hughes, I'd probably die of boredom.
Good day.
