Welcome to "Casting Couch," another extremely sporadic Mercury column in which I invite you to join me in randomly guessing which famous people will be cast in the roles of other old and dead famous people in newly announced biopic film projects (usually based on nothing other than resemblance). Why? Because crude dissections of celebrities, and guessing games, are fun. Duh.

Let's begin with the recent announcement that Martin Scorsese will be directing an upcoming Frank Sinatra biopic (let's hope that means we don't have to worry about this anymore). All eyes are on Scorsese favorite Leonardo DiCaprio for the lead, and... well, I think that's a safe—if tearfully predictable—assumption. But may I make a suggestion, just for the sake of shaking things up, consider this:


Am I right?! Sure, Harry Connick Jr would have to lose a few pounds of beef, but if Christian Bale can do it, Connick can too. Now, the starlets are going to be falling all over each other to play Ava Gardner, and Kate Beckinsale already had her shot in The Aviator. It will probably go to someone totally annoying like Angelina Jolie, who gets everything she wants, but seriously, and maybe it's just because I just re-watched season one of Twin Peaks, but what the heck is Lara Flynn Boyle up to these days?


Just something to think about. And Mia Farrow is a no-brainer. I didn't even have to splice this image myself:


Alternate for Ava: Anne Hathaway. Alternates for Mia: Charlize Theron and... Elisha Cuthbert. Seriously... just think about it.