I present you with the teaser clip for the upcoming remake of TV's timeless trash classic Melrose Place.

First, I am very happy to report that Sydney—the original-flavor Melrose Place superstar who eats blackmail and breathes betrayal—is returning for the reboot.

And second, I'd like to remind everyone that the original Melrose Place was filthy—which means that if it has any hope of suceeding, the new Melrose Place has to be super-duper filthy. Like, jealous-woman-slipping-her-pregnant-best-friend-a-handful-of-morning-after pills filthy. Secret-webcam-in-the toilet filthy. Come on, CW, you can do it.