As predicted, automaker GM files for bankruptcy this morning, claiming to owe (gulp) $172 billion.
An Air France Jet carrying 216 passengers has disappeared in mid-flight; officials are currently searching for them on any uncharted island that also contains polar bears and smoke monsters.
An anti-abortion nut murders a women's clinic physician… while the doctor was serving as an usher in church.
Songstress and internet sensation Susan Boyle shockingly loses Britain's Got Talent; vows to start an unattractive "super loser group" with Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken.
Pakistani militants kidnap 400 people at once, breaking the Guinness world record, and loudly proclaiming, "YES!! Suck it, South American kidnappers!!"
A shocking new poll reveals that 89% of the GOP are conservative honkies. Shocking, I tell you!!
Another poll shows that a majority of conservatives don't know that Stephen Colbert is joking. I can't even be shocked anymore.
Someone who CAN still be shocked? That would be rapper Eminem who got a mouthful of Sacha Baron Cohen's taint at the MTV Movie Awards.