Obama arrived in Saudi Arabia today for a five day trip intended to 1) improve relations with the Muslim world, 2) end the Arab-Israeli conflict, and 3)… whaddaya mean there's no Disneyworld here?

Osama bin Laden purportedly issues another statement to the effect of "Blah, blah, blah, devil Americans, blah, blah, blah, revenge, blah, blah, blah, Rush Limbaugh."

Republican dickhole Newt Gingrich says that maybe he shouldn't have called Justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor "a racist." Yeah… YA THINK?

The government accidentally posted a list of secret nuclear sites on the internet… along with a topless picture of his wife he took in the '80s.

Yoo-hoo! Ohhhh, SAILOR BOY! Yoooooooo-hoooooooo!

What do you mean, "the Fleet Week sailors won't sleep with me"?

What makes news in Phoenix? Dudes on the train playing with their feces! (Can I say it? Okay, I'll say it. Fox reporter Andrew Hasbun is getting too old for this shit! THANK YEW! THANK YEW! I'll be here all week.)