Hi, I'm Will Radik, and I'll be your new intern for today! Working at the Merc is great, yo. Fo' realz, shizzle. There's a Batman mug and a dry-erase board. I ain't gotta pay no taxes on this shit, cause I ain't gettin' paid, son! It's better than getting dry-humped on a Gravitron!

I'd tell you a little about myself, but, if you don't already know who I am, you're probably sooooo out of the loop that you're just not worth my time. I mean, Melissa Lion blogged about me, for heaven's sake! I should be getting so many free steaks and blowjobs that I simply can't walk anywhere, because I'm just tripping over piles of meat, into puddles of bodily fluid.

Anyway, today is cat Friday, right? Or it's biscuit Friday? I forget. Who cares? It's not like anyone ever criticizes new interns on here. Have both, and a hot mom who raps, while she magically transforms coins into food:

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Will, you asshole, those aren't cute, buttered biscuits. They're cookies!" But guess what? The people who invented our language call them biscuits. Just ask Matt Davis. He's so English, he was probably there when they dreamed up the word, "the". I'll bet he's even played that funny game there with-

Wait a minute. Did she say, "orgy?"