I just received some jokes from my best mate in England about the death of Michael Jackson. This illustrates the difference between our two nations perfectly: While the Oregonian is earnestly considering whether Jackson's legacy will be tainted by the oddities of his latter years, and Portlanders are busy organizing "memorial bike rides," my English pals are laughing so hard about the whole thing over warm buckets of lager that their bad teeth might fall out. "fnarf fnarf fnarf, very funny...." Etcetera.
So we're going to do a poll about whether you would like to read them. If you would, I'll post them after the jump at 3 o'clock this afternoon. If not, then "good taste" will prevail.
MICHAEL JACKSON JOKES: TOO SOON?
I should probably also point out that it's already been three o'clock in England for three hours. And if you want to contribute to the sick, sick, disgusting haul of absolute non-comedy (I'm hedging my bets, here) feel free to email me.
Update, 3:05pm: Okay, you fucking sickos. They're after the jump.
First of all thank you, Portland, for restoring my faith in humanity. About ten minutes after I blogged this, I found deadmichaeljacksonjokes.com. As far as I can tell, it's an English site. You'll probably enjoy going there to check most of them out. There's also this site, which features the following gif under the title "Michael Jackson's Burial..."
Broadly, however, there are about 8 themes to the jokes, so far.
1 to 7: Pedophilia. For example:
"How was Michael different from acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about 13."
"Now i read the police have searched his house to see if any drugs were involved. They found class A in his living room, class B in his kitchen & class 4C in his bedroom."
"Reports of michael jackson having an Heart attack are FALSE He has been found in the childrens ward having a STROKE."
"Jackson will be melted down into lego blocks [a few variations here] so that children can continue to play with him."
"What do Jackson and Wal Mart have in common? They both have boys pants half off."
"Due to Michael Jackson's death, his London dates have been canceled... They were James (age 11) and Thomas (age 9)."
"The ambulance team granted him his final wishes and he was rushed to the childrens ward."
"Jacko didn't even want that injection, until the doctor said he was gonna feel a small prick..."
"Q: Why did Michael Jackson die at 3:15? A: “It’s when the big hand touches the little hand”
"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a dead pedophile? Nothing."
"A college today said it would be changing its name to Michael Jackson University in his memory. The schools old name was Brigham Young."
"Michael Jackson died in LA last night. They took him to the morgue. He didn't get stiff until he went past the children's ward."
"Question: What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
Answer: Neither of them exist and both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks!"
7 and a half: Puns on his song titles related to his death and/or pedophilia. For example:
"Heart failure runs in michael jacksons family, its in his billie jeans."
"Paramedic 1 " his heart has stopped " Paramedic 2 " then? beat it , just beat it "
"Apparently CPR isn't as easy as ABC."
"MJ: Wanna be starting something… Wanna be starting something… Wanna be starting something… Wanna be starting something…
Paramedic: Dude, try your heart."
"You`ve been hit by,
You`ve been struck by
"It's a shame, he was just going to release a song about his life too...'Michael Jackson in A minor'."
7 and three quarters:
Racially themed racist. For example:
"What's black, white, and slowly rotting?"
"Only in America, the land of opportunity, can a poor black boy, become a rich white man."
"What's especially sad is that most people of a certain generation only know Michael Jackson as a crazy guy who had a lot of plastic surgery — whereas the truth is, he was not only an unbelievably talented, groundbreaking performer, he also helped break down the racial prejudice in this country. He was an extremely powerful symbol — a black performer who whites could relate to and then later in life, a white performer who blacks could relate to."
"Michael Jackson was not the only victim yesterday. Paramedics at the scene collapsed with exhaustion trying to get the color back into his cheeks."
8: Offended and usually, misspelled. For example:
"YOUR ALL SICK MICHEAL JACKSON IS A LEDGEND JUST BECAUSE HE SCREWED UP HIS LIFE SHOW HIM A LITTLE RESPECT HE DESERVES IT FOR ALL THE GREAT MUSIC HE DID."