For his devastating Ponzi scheme, financial dickhole Bernie Madoff gets the maximum sentence: 150 years. (Why does that not sound "maximum-y" enough for me?)
Pack yer bags, boys: the troops begin their withdrawal from Iraq.
Michael Jackson's mom has filed to get custody of the dead pop idol's kids. Wait… isn't the father… GAHH! JOE JACKSON! Hasn't he done enough?
Supreme Court rules that four white firefighters were discriminated against because of their race. FINALLY, some justice for the honkies!
Doctors say that ovary transplants are possible. FINALLY, some justice for men who are tired of women who say "Ooh-la-la, I can make babies, and you CAN'T."
To placate the mobs, the hard-liner Iranian president orders a partial election recount. (In that they will only count the votes made for him. Fair?)
South Carolina governor decides to stay on the job following his Argentinian love scandal—because that's the new hep thing all the politicians are doing.
And finally, remember the Filipino prisoners who rose to YouTube fame with their Thriller reenactment? Here's their tribute to the late Michael Jackson. (It's mostly a lot of arm waving, but jump to the 5:30 mark to see their very weird MJ poster.)