What? No Inhumane Federal Raids? WTF Obama, stop betraying America. Get yer rear in gear and continue rounding up illegal immigrants the way God intended - with gut-wrenching, SWAT-style raids, none of this pansy fining employers bullshit.
Health Care! Now With a Public Option! Obama and the Dems unveil their new socialist healthcare agenda. Things get wiiiiillld.
Neo-Nazis Recruit Teabaggers! The 4th of July just got a wee bit more exciting.
40 Statues of Children, 1 Former Ferris Wheel. Memorial tours of an eerily vacant Neverland Ranch begin.
I'm melting... melting! That's your iPhone talking.
Lance Armstrong - Again! America's only superhero is back in the "Tour de Farce" (ha! way to lay the smackdown, Christian Science Monitor.) Have you seen his ridiculous bike?
Puking Pug Police Cover-up! This actually happened yesterday but I can't believe we haven't already linked to it.
New Chasse Revelations: Are very sad.
Also in very important news! The Merc office is closed today in honor of our nation and our fine tradition of exploding devices. Except the blog to be a little slow - while you're waiting, get outside and blow something up!