Iranian security forces beat and tear gas protesters in Tehran, proving once again the birth of democracy is never pretty.

41 killed and dozens more injured in Iraq courtesy of suicide bombers; proving once again fundamentalist religion is never, and shall never be, pretty.

Ditto pretty much for Afghanistan.

G-8 leaders pledge to "achieve a 50 percent reduction in global emissions by 2050." (That is unless we're all underwater by then.)

More South Korean websites come under attack. Cut it out already, you big cyberbully!

House Dems on health care: "C'mon baby, tax the rich! / Put the bite on that son of a bitch!"

Michael Jackson's final resting place is a mystery… because HE'S NOT DEAD, MAN! Him and Morrison and Elvis are living in a duplex in Boca Raton getting high, man! GETTING HIGH!!!

"British Scientists Claim to Create Human Sperm." Hey, I can do that, too! Wanna see?

And finally, on Fox and Friends this morning, correspondent Brian Kilmeade posed an interesting and— wow—REALLY RACIST theory that Americans aren't like other countries because we "keep marrying other species and other ethnics." Fox, you made a few less friends today.