For once Twitter didn't fail, and Dave Chappelle did indeed show up at Pioneer Courthouse Square last night, and… for the love of god, man… CAN YOU PLEASE SPEAK UP!?!

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor once again has to defend her remark about "a wise Latina" making better decisions than a white man—because (surprise!) a dumb white man won't let it go.

The Senate Health Committee approves legislation to provide expanding health coverage to nearly all Americans; Republicans say this runs counter to their "poor people should die" policy.

An Iranian airliner crashes, killing 168.

CODE RED! CODE RED! The color coded terror alert system instituted by the Bush administration may be done away with! (But… but… how will I know when to be unduly paranoid??)

Us Weekly discovers the 1987 footage of Michael Jackson's hair catching on fire during a Pepsi commercial shoot. Wanna see it? I wish I hadn't.

TMZ reports that the LAPD is now officially treating Michael Jackson's death as a homicide.

Thankfully, there is no further Michael Jackson news to… GAHHH! MICHAEL JACKSON'S GHOST ON AN AUTO BONNET! COR BLIMEY, GUVNAH!