Loath as I am to advertise an advertisement, it's my duty, dear readers, to remind you of some news. Some news that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.
Today, my geek brethren—in a mere hour's time—tickets for AVATAR DAY will become available.
What's AVATAR DAY, you ask? Think of AVATAR DAY as a holiday—a holiday that celebrates life, joy, excitement, and a magnificent trio of dimensions. A magical, unforgettable day that will give your pathetic existence meaning and purpose, and possibly inspire you to stop mentally revising your suicide note every 10 minutes.
Well, if you get tickets for it, that is. If you don't, you're fucked, and you have no reason to keep on living.
But if you do get tickets? AVATAR DAY IS THE NEW CHRISTMAS, MOTHERFUCKERS. AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, DOES CHRISTMAS HAVE BLUE SPACE ALIENS WHO ARE IN 3D AND BLOW SHIT UP AND RIDE DRAGONS AND SHIT?
No. Christmas has candy canes and elves and mistletoe. Christmas can go fuck itself.
LOS ANGELES, August 17, 2009—Twentieth Century Fox announced today additional information about its global, history-making AVATAR DAY event when, on August 21, the world will get its first look at director James Cameron’s motion picture epic AVATAR. In this unprecedented experience, the studio and Cameron [will] debut the film’s trailer everywhere, while select cinemas and IMAX theaters will screen select scenes in 3D, prepared by the renowned filmmaker.
The worldwide trailer launch will be presented in all formats, including IMAX 3D, IMAX 2D, digital 3D, digital 2D, and 35mm 2D. The trailer will also be available online.
The extended look at AVATAR will unspool for two showings only on the evening of August 21. The U.S. showings will be in select IMAX 3D theaters, and international unveilings will be in select digital 3D and IMAX 3D theaters. Information on reserving tickets for these very limited showings will be available beginning August 17, 3:00pm EDT (noon PDT), at avatarmovie.com.
SO START WARMING UP YOUR MOUSE-CLICKING FINGERS, DWEEBS, 'cause come noon, every fanboy worth his Doritos is gonna be madly clicking away at the Avatar site, trying to score tickets to this thing. DO NOT BE LEFT BEHIND.
(For clarification: Yes, you have to get advance tickets in order to see what amounts to a glorified preview, which is ridiculous. Yes, Avatar could be one of the greatest sci-fi flicks of all time, or it could be Smurfs in Space. Yes, the last time nerds were this amped about something, that something ended up starring Jar Jar Binks. But yes, even so, and all that said: If the Avatar footage Cameron screened at Comic-Con is any indication, going through all of this bullshit to catch an early peek at the film might just be worth it, as insane as that sounds.)
It's AVATAR DAY, people. Your grandchildren will want to know where you were when it happened. Do not disappoint them.
UPDATE, 12:50 pm:
This seems to sum things up nicely.