The Walt Disney Corp. pays $4 billion to buy the entire Marvel comic company and all its characters. GOOFY WILL SMASH!!

10,000 families are evacuated as wildfires sweep through Southern California.

A baby is born with his heart outside his chest. HEY EMO BANDS! I GOT A TOPIC FOR YOUR NEXT SONG!!!

Singer Chris Brown still claims to love Rihanna, and cannot remember beating her. Then maybe he should ask Rihanna, who I bet remembers it pretty well.

Former president Bush's daughter Jenna will become a regular correspondent on the Today show. She'll be covering the "how my daddy was great at his job" beat.

A Tempe, Arizona preacher delivers a sermon entitled "Why I Hate Barack Obama," saying, "I am not going to pray for his good. I am going to pray that he dies and goes to hell." In related news… Hey, look everybody! Another religious wacko!

And finally, here's a Channel 9 News Update with Rod Wood along with special correspondent, "Fucking Bee that Stung Him."