SWAY-ZZZ!!! To quote Tyler Durden, "you were going to see this later today anyway...may as well get it over with..."

OBAMA CALLED KANYE A JACKASS!!! So much for priorities.

RESOLUTION OF DISAPPROVAL!!! Against Joe Wilson.

GEORGE BUSH'S MEAN STREAK!!! "This is a dangerous world, and this cat [Obama] isn't remotely qualified to handle it. This guy has no clue, I promise you," Bush is alleged to have said. He also goes after Joe Biden, saying, “If bullshit was currency, Joe Biden would be a billionaire.”

LAB TECH SUSPECTED IN YALE MURDER!!! The Ivy League gawking continues.

LENO FIZZLES!!! Critic: "It's not a good sign when the Bud Light commercial is funnier than the comedy show it interrupts."

BILL CLINTON AND BARACK OBAMA: FRIENDS??? They "split the bill" in a Greenwich Village italian. Restaurant. Italian restaurant. Get back to work.

ACORN THREATENS TO SUE FOX NEWS!!! After network caught alleged child prostitution ring on film.

SIZER: CHASSE INTERNAL AFFAIRS REVIEW WILL BE RELEASED!!! Just one more thing to do, she says. Like, the investigation? Let's hope someone's "micro-managing" it for you, chief.

Good day.