Big News! Banks Make Money: Goldman Sachs rakes in the profits, gives $200 million to charity and a heartwarming $5.35 billion in company bonuses.
Old Person Bonus! Obama wants old and disabled people to receive emergency $250 bailouts.
"Sophisticated Wave of Violence": Coordinated attackers dressed as Pakistani police killed 30 people in Lahore.
Better Book Your Cruise Now. Research shows Arctic will be ice free during the summer in only 20 years.
Healthy Coke! Coca Cola announces the 90 calorie "mini can", which is great for "smaller thirst occasions and for calorie-conscious consumers."
Exotic Life Forms: Apparently there's people who aren't on Facebook, too.
Domino Theory: Artists in Berlin build a new Berlin wall out of Styrofoam and plan to push it over like dominoes.
Republican Revival: So it turns out Meghan McCain is kinda hot? And she posts boobilicious photos of herself to Twitter, then feels bad about it? And she likes Andy Warhol?
Log Jam: Feds say Oregon should support a short-term increase in logging, ideally the kind that doesn't kill too many endangered animals.
Making Amends: Paulson surprises commissioners by saying he'll only bring Major League Soccer to Portland if he can find a home for the Beavers.