CRASH OF THE PAPARAZZI ECONOMY!!! Photos of Brangelina, Britney, and company are worth 31 percent less this year compared to last.

BAILOUT BEATING!!! A new report criticizes Treasury secretary Timothy Geithner for not negotiating harder with AIG creditors.

OBAMA IN CHINA!!! He wants a "strong dialog." No surprise there.

ONLY 13 PERCENT OF ABORTIONS PAID FOR BY PRIVATE INSURANCE!!! The Wall Street journal probes the impact of the controversial Stupak amendment.

LEVI JOHNSTON SKIPS FULL FRONTAL!!! Some "porn star" you are.

JANUARY JONES!!! "Can't act," says Defamer. Burrrrrn.

$250K FOR FLIPPING THE BIRD!!! Titans owner is fined for swearing at a game on the weekend. Football is so weird.

VIAGRA FOR WOMEN!!! Pill makes girls' sex drive soar, says The Sun.

MARYSVILLE KIDS BACK TO SCHOOL!!! After a nasty fire.

COSTCO WILL STOP CARRYING COKE PRODUCTS!!! Because of a "nationwide pricing dispute."

CREEPY!!! It's the official Dakota Fanning aging timeline.

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1999!

Shudder. Good day.