Seriously. That’s what the Americans For Prosperity tea-baggers were shouting at the passing traffic outside the Keller Auditorium this evening:


Fortunately they had some competition from some other folks ironically protesting Oregon’s $10 corporate minimum tax: “$10 fogs up my monocle,” said one. And then, “Global Warming raises all yachts.” Or “Screw polar bears. My poodle needs a manicure.”

Dude himself certainly flogged a lot of books tonight. “I am Al Gore, I used to be the next President of the United States,” he said, introducing himself to laughter. “You think that’s funny?” he asked. Funny! Buy the book…

“In the three and a half years since I published An Inconvenient Truth, I have held 30 summits and gathered the leaders in the world to talk about a solution to the climate crisis,” he said. “This book really represents their generosity in explaining their insights.”

Did I mention you should buy the book?

“If we were to decide in this generation to take for granted all the hard work of previous generations, and then give the back of our hand to all generations following us,” he said, “that would be the most immoral choice that any generation on the planet has ever made.”

All the press were in the nosebleed seats. There was no wi-fi, of course. “Did you see that naked PETA chick?” asked one of the news anchors, about another protester outside—she wants Gore to become a vegetarian and was handing out fliers quoting Paul McCartney. “I just talked to her for a while so I could stare at her tits.”

Meanwhile, I wished I had one of these, like the dude from the O:


But I didn’t. So, Al Gore looked like this:

“We’re at the front of a rollercoaster and we’re in the front seat,” said Gore, launching into the usual Al Gore lying crap, about evidence for global warming being “unequivocal:” “To those who want to still reject that scientific concensus, I’d say, okay, but help us become less dependent on foreign oil,” he said, to applause.

We’ve had more forest fires and more lightning strikes, said Gore. People are dying. Global warming is terrifying. It’s all driven by greed. We’ve got to stop it!

And then this: “For every one of us 6.8 billion people on the planet, there will soon be one billion transistors per person,” said Gore.

That's a lot of transistors!

There were no other surprises.