Iraq figures out yet another way to delay democracy.
Somali pirates try to attack a U.S. ship, and have their assess handed to them by the red, white and blue! USA! USA! USA! (Yeah, I'm not sure why I'm thrilled either.)
In Michigan, many camped out to be the first in line to get Sarah Palin's new book, and… wait. This just in… those people thought they were in line for Twilight: New Moon.
President Obama will not be reading Sarah Palin's new book, because it could be regarded as an assassination attempt. (It may BORE him to death! HAR!!)
Al Gore is coming into town today, and the anti-environment nutbags are celebrating by scribbling asinine graffiti on the wall of the Keller Auditorium.
The space shuttle Atlantis "slipped beautifully" into the international space station, which immediately filed a sexual harassment suit.
Two southern California cities have banned the declawing of cats—which seriously, is a stupid, barbaric practice. Disagree? Then allow me to pull out your fingernails.
The staff of Providence St. Vincent Medical Center here in Portland don pink gloves and DANCE THEIR ASSES OFF to raise awareness for breast cancer. KA-UTE!! (It also raises my awareness that the Mercury is lagging way behind in office dance videos.)