Oh god, stop already. After hijacking our week, the Civil War—the football game, not the actual war where your great-great-great grandfather came down with gangrene—takes place tonight at Eugene's Autzen Stadium (where "it never rains" because Phil Knight controls the weather). Thankfully the majority of the Mercury staff went to school at National Technology Mailorder Institute of Northern Kentucky (this masters in VCR Repair is really paying off), so we have no vested interest in a football game between Oregon State University and the University of Oregon.

But some people do. Since I am the only staff member who doesn't throw like a girl, here is your Obligatory Civil War preview:

With the Rose Bowl on the line—the losing school will most likely be relegated to the Off-Brand Corn Chip Festival Bowl, which, like our alma mater, is also in Northern Kentucky—the 9-2 Ducks will have to find a way to stop a pretty spectacular running game from the awesomely-named Jacquizz Rodgers and the 8-3 Beavers. The Ducks haven't exactly been known for their defense (book-learnin' school Stanford dropped 51 points on them), and usually rely on an offensive game where they score at will.

Gamblers, take the over in this one.

Us casual fans without degrees from either school should be rewarded with an entertaining game with plenty of scoring—unlike last year's Sun Bowl, where Oregon State toppled Pittsburgh by the unintentionally hilarious score of 3-0. Should we root for one team over the other? No, not really. The Beavers are about 10 point underdogs, and haven't been to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl since 1964, coincidentally the same year the Beach Boys' "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena" became a hit. I guess that means you should maybe cheer for them.

You might really care about this Civil War, but it's at least something to watch before 30 Rock comes on.