OLD TOWN BURGER KING TO GET $8.9MILLION MAKEOVER!!! This is such incredible news, it's ridiculous.
SUPERTAX!!! British bankers are furious that any bonus they get over GBP40,000 this year will be taxed at 50%. Entitled, moi?
AFGHAN WOMEN PROTEST KARZAI!!! He's not doing enough to stem corruption, they say. Although it came out "hmmh herhh hehhm hhmmm mmmm mmm," thanks to the Burqa. That's right, Davis. Tell a "joke"about Islam.
WHO'S THE HOTTEST MODEL IN GREAT BRITAIN??? Why, it's Mick Jagger's kid. I repeat: Entitled, moi? Oh, hold on...she actually is pretty hot. Cruel world!
ROB PATTISON: "I'M SINGLE"!!! You thought this was a news post, but it turns out, I'm just indulging a desire for a bit of celebrity gossip this morning.
TIGER'S TORTURED TEXTS!!! Thank god for some real news at last.
"But perhaps the most profound issue surrounding my receipt of this prize is the fact that I am the Commander-in-Chief of the military of a nation in the midst of two wars. One of these wars is winding down. The other is a conflict that America did not seek; one in which we are joined by 42 other countries — including Norway — in an effort to defend ourselves and all nations from further attacks."
BRITISH AMBULANCE CREW DROP, KILL HEAVY PATIENT!!! Awfully sorry, dead chap.
GIANT ICEBERG HEADING FOR AUSTRALIA!!! It's twice the size of Sydney Harbor, mate.
SARAH PALIN SIGNS WOMAN'S CHEST!!! I wonder if she'd sign America's ass?