Dear James Cameron: It has come to my attention that you often need actors who can realistically perform in front of "green screens"—portraying fantastic situations that have little basis in reality. Bearing this in mind, I hereby present Grandma Millie and Grandma Fran (soon to be known as the greatest actors of this or any other generation) in their debut production titled simply, "The Roller Coaster."

Prepare to be amazed.