Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers welcome the Oklahoma City Thunder in the 100th consecutive sold out game in this arena. To celebrate this landmark event, the franchise is handing out free Chalupa coupons—in blatant disregard for the established 100-point rule—to everyone in attendance. Bad idea. Without that goal to aim for, the Blazers will have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to beat a Thunder team that is actually ahead of them in the standings. The Chaulpa coupon is the only thing that stands between a productive NBA team and complete and total anarchy. It might just be a piece of paper, but it holds great power. Kind of like the US Constitution, but more delicious.
Wait, what am I saying? I would rather eat a Chalupa coupon than the actual Chalupa itself.
PRE-GAME:
Also, it should be noted that the term "sell out" is pretty loose. (Just like in punk rock!) A few games this season—post injury outbreak—have had plenty of fans dressed as empty seats. Whatever, let us distract you with this free Mexican food.
As of tonight, Oklahoma City is a better team than the Blazers. (There's a sentence I thought I'd never type in my life.) The Thunder are riding high on a five game winning streak, although they have dropped their past five meetings with Portland. Something has to give.
There will be a little starting lineup shuffle tonight. Nicolas Batum is joining the starting five, with Martell Webster moving over to the shooting guard roll, and Jerryd Bayless hitting the pine. Bayless is still not 100% after a series of nagging injuries of stripped him of his speed and his uncanny ability to go hurling into the row of photographers under the net.
FIRST QUARTER:
11:34 - First play on offense for Portland: shot clock violation. It's going to be a long night. 0-0.
9:20 - This is getting uglier by the second. Portland is 0-4 shooting and, honestly, they haven't even been all that close. 6-0 OKC.
8:33 - Still no points. Play possum, Blazers. They won't suspect a comeback when they are up 40-0. 8-0 OKC.
6:30 - Kevin Durant just was escorted to the rim by Andre Miller. I wonder if Portland will score 15 this quarter? 14-2 OKC.
4:15 - Dante Cunningham enters with a little energy off the bench and now Portland makes it respectable. They'll get to 15 yet! 15-9 OKC.
3:22 - Durant dunks, Batum dunks. Batum's was better. I'm sure Durant will worry about that when he is stacking his trophy case with MVP awards for the next decade. 17-13 OKC.
1:00 - Rudy is having a terrible night of errant passes and clanking three-point attempts. His latest was an airball, plucked out of the sky by Cunningham for a dunk. Rudy owes the rookie a Coke. Or a fur coat. Whatever millionaires buy other millionaires they are in debt to. 21-17 OKC.
0:00 - At the break, Thunder up six. Not great, but it could have been worse since Portland waited over four minutes before scoring their first basket. 23-17 OKC.
SECOND QUARTER:
10:40 - Webster with a clean block of a Serge Ibaka dunk attempt, yet he picks up a foul. When will the NBA finally come clean on their blatant Serge Ibaka bias? It sickens me. 25-19 OKC.
7:48 - Bayless is faced with a one-on-one matchup against a bigger Jeff Green and he just flees. Green dunks, timeout is called, and Bayless will sit for that defensive vanishing act. He doesn't look like his old self. I'd rather see an inexperienced, healthy Patty Mills out there. 29-19 OKC.
7:04 - We are halfway through the second quarter and if it wasn't for Batum and Cunningham, the Blazers would have zero points right now. Zero. Zero. Zero. 29-19 OKC.
5:34 - Steve Blake is briefly out getting five stitches in his face. Well, there goes a career on the runway. Basketball is his fallback career, modeling is his true calling. 34-28 OKC.
4:08 - Well that was the play of the night: Batum streaks out on a fastbreak, avoids one defender and meets Durant mid-air. He dunks over Durant while getting fouled and hitting the ground hard. The French kid is the toughest Blazer. Never saw that coming. 37-31 OKC.
1:19 - Batum is outshining Durant. We all expected a freakishly athletic SF to dominate tonight, but who knew it would be Batum. 39-35 OKC.
0:26 - Smart vet move by Miller to shoot (and score) with 26 seconds left. Portland will get the ball back. 41-41 tie.
0:01 - And they do, Rudy misses another three. Oh well, Portland has done a respectable job of clawing back into the game. They were down 13 earlier, and now we're tied at the break.
THIRD QUARTER:
10:20 -And down goes Webster. He gets undercut by Nenad Krstic and hits the ground with a terrible thump. The sound his body made was terrible and brought back the memories of when Oden's knee folded into two. Thankfully after a few seconds, he is up and now on the bench. 43-41 OKC.
8:39 - The Thunder miss three straight layups, Portland should feel blessed to only be down three. 46-43 OKC.
5:09 - The Blazers have harnessed the power of passing—compared to just waiting for the shotclock to expire and then hurling up a prayer—and have converted on four straight baskets were nearly the entire team touches the ball before the shot goes up. Hoosiers style. 53-51 Blazers.
1:31 - And back and forth they go. Miller with a fancy layup to put Portland ahead, then he turns it over and it's all tied up. 57-57 tie.
0:09 - It's Portland vs. Durant. Durantula has 26 on the night, which marks his 25th straight game with over 25 points scored. Well, Oden has 25 straight games of zero points, so take that. 61-59 Blazers.
FOURTH QUARTER:
11:11 - Rudy, we like you and all, but stop shooting. 0-6 is a sign that it isn't your night. 62-61 OKC.
10:18 - Bayless with his first two points on the night. Also, the first Blazers points of this quarter. 65-63 OKC.
9:30 - Rudy tosses an alley-oop into the seats. Sit down Spaniard. You are ruining this game. 66-63 OKC.
7:37 - Portland should not win this game. The Thunder want it more. I hate to call it this early, but I don't see OKC letting up. The blood is in the water. 74-63 OKC.
4:25 - Miller doesn't want to go home just yet. He drives and picks up a basket (well, a goal tend) while getting fouled. Getting closer. 76-71 OKC.
3:17 - Miller has scored ten this quarter. Not hard to do since no one else on the team wants to shoot. 80-71 OKC.
2:41 - And there goes the crowd. The faithful have had enough and head for the exits. They won't beat the traffic, because they are the traffic. 80-71 OKC.
2:31 - Durant just showboated a little flair to the team that never drafted him. 82-71 OKC.
0:00 - And that'll do it. We're off until after the All-Star break (I narrowly missed being selected for the alt weekly NBA All-Star live blog competition), but we'll see you next week when the Clippers trudge through town. Your final score: Oklahoma City 89, Portland 77.
