If you've been wondering where I've been for most of this week, the answer is simple: Blizzard sent me an invite for the StarCraft 2 beta, and I've done nothing but immolate Zerg hordes and gun down holier-than-Space-Jesus Protoss jihadists for the last three days.

Welcome to the New Sex.
  • Blizzard Entertainment
  • Welcome to the New Sex.

I haven't eaten, I haven't slept, I haven't bathed. I'm entirely within the thrall of Blizzard's latest, even before it's been finished. Bafflingly, I'm intensely terrible at the game, but I can't stop playing.

I'm not even sure that I'm capable of saying anything negative about it. Here, I'll give it a shot:

StarCraft 2 is merely StarCraft with a shiny coat of paint and all the fancy accouterments one would expect from a Blizzard game circa 2010.

Dammit! I tried to sneer while typing that, but instead cartoon hearts began swirling around my head, and I ended up making out with my Logitech gaming mouse.

I'm fucking hopeless.