Y'know who loves Halo?

Erik "Master's Degree In Advanced Chiefery" Henriksen.

Y'know who loves Halo even more?

Sega, apparently.

DUDEICAL! TUBULOUS! EXCREMENTAL!
  • Sega of America
  • DUDEICAL! TUBULOUS! EXCREMENTAL!

Yup, that Sega. The company that brought you the only hedgehog ever able to pull off early-90s "X-Treme!!!" attitude without a hint of irony. (Which, it should be said, was a truly impressive feat, especially given how the ambulatory pin cushion's natural sense of humor often skews toward the ironic, the esoteric, and even the eccentrically racist.)

Yup, that Sega. The publisher who — despite the massive success of every roleplaying game with even a hint of Japanese styling ever since the Final Fantasy folk made it hip to be Square (Enix) — refuses to offer gamers a quality, classic Phantasy Star title. (Instead opting to slightly reconfigure Phantasy Star Online every few years, and sell the game yet again (often to the exact same buyers) with a full $60 price tag; A business model only slightly less likely to leave the entirety of Sega's boardroom filled with man-shaped pillars of salt, than if the firm's higher ups were to sodomize everyone you know with tiny mammal bones found in the stomach of a dead Monitor Lizard recently discovered under Yuji Naka's desk.)

Yup, that Sega. One of only two gaming industry mainstays who can claim to have a roster full of original characters as recognizable, iconic and beloved as Nintendo's. (The other, of course, being Alpha Denshi Corp. (AKA ADK, OPP, YEAHYOUKNOWME, RIP ODB, BIG).

Despite all that, it looks like Sega's true interests lie in blatantly ripping ideas from Microsoft and Bungie's insanely lucrative Halo series.

Don't believe me? Watch the minute and a half of video I've embedded below. That clip just happens to be the brand new, high definition, debut teaser trailer from Sega's upcoming futuristic shooter, Vanquish.

Even if Sega's Master Chief analogue looks more like the love child of Bungie's stoic original and an equally stoic soccer ball full of Thalidomide, you can't tell me that clip isn't giving intellectual property lawyers the sort of ideas most Internet journalists would describe with liberal, unsettling references to "huge boners," anecdotes about recent trips to "Huge Boner City," and rambling stories supposedly told by kindly, elderly gentlemen who, despite their advanced age, are still avid supporters of the "huge boner" lifestyle.

Thank god I'm too mature for that kind of thing, right? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stand on my balcony and pee into my neighbors' screen door.

And the cat's coming with me!