153 miners are trapped in China, and the race is on to rescue them.
Health care... check. Okay, what's next? Oh yeahhhhh... AFGHANISTAN.
Today in "Shut the fuck up": Sarah Palin appears at Tea Party protest encouraging the dingalings to "take back our country." Umm… it's not just your country, Sarah, and… OMG! WHY AM I ARGUING WITH HER???
An ancient Egyptian "Door to the Afterlife" is discovered. Hey, Sarah Palin! Why don't you take a peek inside?
America's first legal male prostitute quits, because of lack of customers. C'mon guys! When are we gonna break that glass ceiling??
The Recall Recall Sam Sam Adams Adams protesters are planning a rally on April 1st—maybe because they finally realize the joke?
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: No sun until Thursday. Pftppffhtttt!!
And finally, Lindsay Lohan was seen leaving a party with an unidentified white substance puffing out of her shoes. Baby powder for her athlete's foot? Or maybe she's baking biscuits in her Jimmy Choos?