Like many others who write in, I need to enlist your professional opinion in settling an argument between me and a coworker (boss, actually). We're a small, close-knit group in the office so the fact that this topic came up in discussion isn't in itself very controversial, at least by our standards. My boss has a very cute puppy, a three year old named Jagger who he and the whole family loves very much. He loves Jagger so much, in fact, that he's willing in assist him in masturbating himself every single night before the dog goes to sleep. I attended a family function of my boss's recently, and lo and behold, when the dinner party was winding down, my boss whipped out Jaggers favorite teddy bear and held it in place for him while the dog got off.
Dan, I'm a very sexually liberated 22-year-old girl, its hard for me to think of many things that I would consider odd. I think everyone is entitled to a healthy sexual relationship, including dog and his teddy bear mate. But its my boss' insistance that he HAS to help the dog jack off that bothers me. He refuses to stop, saying that the dog can't hump his teddy bear on his own, and without his assistance the dog will whine all night and won't shut up until he holds the bear for him. I don't think my boss is sick or perverted at all, I think he genuinely loves his dog, I just think its weird and spoiling his dog.
Bestiality In The Workplace
My response after the jump...
Um... helping your dog masturbate is one thing (one thing I'm never, ever gonna do myself), but doing so in front of dinner guests—or your children—is another thing altogether. I have no way of knowing if your boss-with-boundary-issues derives sexual pleasure from this routine but he certainly seems to get a charge out of shocking people. If you don't care to hear about the boss, his dog, and the real victim here (I'm thinking of course of that unfortunate teddy bear), BITW, then you should stop arguing with him about whether or not he's spoiling his dog. Slap an affectless look on your face whenever he brings it up, change the subject, and decline all future dinner invitations.
And you might want to take up a collection at work and buy your boss one of these.