PLEASE tell me you've been using the Mercury's MercPerks! You know... where you get 50% off certificates from Portland's raddest local restaurants, stores and services? YOU COULD BE SAVING TONS OF MONEY! And we're not just talking about food, clothes, tattoos, acupuncture, and kids toys either! Today we have a brand new addition to the MercPerk family: CLONE-A-WILLY! Guys... you can CLONE your own PENIS! Observe.
But don't forget! There are limited supplies of all MercPerk certificates, so get 'em while they're hot and available! (Much like your cloned genitalia. Hmm... I could've phrased that better.)