Bailout update! GM has paid back its taxpayer loans (and ahead of schedule), while Chrysler reports that it's lost $4 billion. That's what you get for putting out the PT Cruiser, a-holes!
European airports reopen, but getting everyone home and back on schedule could take weeks. Thanks a pantload, volcanic ash!
Oil rig explosion off the coast of Louisiana; 11-12 people remain missing.
The Pope meets with abuse victims and promises to take action. (SEXY action... heh... heh... hehhhhh.)
Obama is looking for a replacement for the retiring Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. (Get out your umbrella—here comes the shit storm.)
In a sadly related story, in a current Supreme Court case about sexting, the justices are having trouble figuring out the difference between an "email" and a "pager." I'm not kidding.
Kate Gosselin is booted off Dancing with the Stars—which means she has to find another reality show so she can avoid spending time with her kids.
The Gay Softball World Series is sued for discrimination... by bisexuals??
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy, sunny, partly cloudy, mostly cloudy, cloudy sunny.
And finally, "Totally Wasted Guy at Coachella vs. His Own Flip-Flops"… ON WHOM DO YOU WAGER?!?