I've not been able to get a very clear answer from the Bus Project about why they didn't include the race for city council in last night's Candidates Gone Wild event at the Aladdin Theater. I mean, it seems like the race between Dan Saltzman and Jesse Cornett warrants some serious probing. Perhaps Saltzman wouldn't agree to appear? Who knows...

BRILLIANT PHOTOGRAPH OF CANDIDATES GONE WILD
  • STEPHEN MARC BEAUDOIN
  • BRILLIANT PHOTOGRAPH OF CANDIDATES GONE WILD

Last night's was the "eighth year" that the event has run, according to MC Storm Large, who took her hostess fee despite having literally knelt on the steps of city hall last year to sing Amazing Grace, following Willamette Week's coverage of the Breedlove scandal. Although "I still think some of them are dicks," she said, to conclude her appearance. Why not simply say, "well, they had to pay somebody," Storm? I would have had more respect for you.

Update, 12:22, April 28: Storm was only paid a bottle of Maker's for her trouble. I stand corrected.

Original post: The low point of the night was a joke by a fake Sarah Palin character about shooting the mentally ill and homeless, downtown. "I say we've got a population control problem," she said, suggesting the culling operation begin at Hoyt Arboretum. Now, I'm all for humor. And I realized later that if I were writing that skit, I'd probably have pushed it just as far. Comedy is about discomfort. Etcetera. But it angered me at the time, and I found myself heckling at her to fuck off. Edgy. Although Storm said the folks at Curious Comedy Theater do "incredibly funny, funny stuff," so perhaps I was wrong.

What else? Metro Regional Council President David Bragdon told Tom Hughes, a candidate to replace him, that he could "kiss it goodbye" after having been endorsed by the Portland Business Alliance. Karol Collymore stole the show in a fantastic pair of ruby slippahs "that would account for her huge gay fanbase," to quote le Beaud. Bob Stacey said something awkward about a "metrosexual fright wig," which literally silenced the room. Gary Hansen taught Paul Newman how to cook a crab in Newport. True story.

County Candidate Tom Markgraf said he once told Prince Charles to "get the fuck out of Northern Ireland," which would be amusing, were it not for the fact that the Irish Republican Army bombed the living shit out of my homeland when I was a child. Hearing the prince so disrespected by a bridge whore like Markgraf made me want to have a more thorough discussion of the Irish situation with him later. Maybe on Friday, during our endorsement interview. Or afterward. Who knows.