JESUS CHRIST. I get into work today on time for once and all ready to do shit and then the internet foils my plans by making me feel like I'm going insane.

First there's this. It weirds me out that the least authentic thing about this is fake Sam Elliott's fake mustache. I mean, isn't adult entertainment the one industry where you should be able to find a naturally robust mustache?

Moving on. I know Steve mentioned it already, but COUNTERPOINT. Here's this goddamn thing:

I kinda like what Warming Glow said in the aptly titled post The Simpsons, 1989-2010:

The most important point to take away here is that the writers of this show believe that you a) enjoy or can at least tolerate the musical stylings of Kesha [sic], b) appreciate it when characters who have been developed over the course of twenty-plus years are used as puppets, and c) don’t need jokes, only familiar faces. Otto is being shown on my television. Whoa, now Comic Book Guy is being shown on my television! I am familiar with both of those characters! And they are singing a song (I like songs)!

And then there's... whatever the fuck this is. I can't... I don't... fuck. FUCK. Words... words not enough. The good stuff starts at 1:30.

I don't... I don't know what's happening, you guys. I don't feel very good. This blog post is kind of a cry for help.