This little gem dropped into the I, Anonymous mail box recently:

Dear Loser Who Never Leaves the Couch:
Remember that night when we were working together, you don't?? The one when We were at the restaurant and that girl came up to you and wanted to date you? Well little did you know she was a hooker for years and years, so she gave you a little gift, herpes. You dated her for about a week and then she told me, ha ha. Now if you actually got off your ASS and got a real job instead of mooching off of your poor cousin, you wouldn't be in this predicament, OH WELL! -Anonymous

Sure, it's charming (love the OH WELL! sign off, I may borrow that one for personal use), but I need a little back story here. Is the author a jealous co-worker? A close friend of the alleged former prostitute? The put-upon cousin? Furthermore why would the loser who never leaves the couch have been working? Or is there an implication in the "you don't??" that this all took place in the distant past when the couch-bound loser in question was once employed?? If so, why is this still at an ALL CAPS pitch of drama? And wasn't getting off his or her ASS and getting a job exactly how he or she DID get into this predicament?

Give us something coherent to work with, people. Send in your own I, Anonymous today.