My 15-year old son plumbs the depths of internet porn every chance he gets—on computers in our den, at school, even at dear ol’ Grandma’s. And he's been trying out some fun new ideas on himself at home using whatever's handy. I know teenaged boy = perpetually horny (which is his response whenever I catch him at it). And yeah, I like porn myself, so I don’t think it’s unnatural or necessarily a bad influence for teens. But what limits or guidance should I provide?

Based on butt-insertion evidence I noticed, I’ve asked him to honor the “Leave No Trace” rule so he doesn't accidentally gross out the rest of the family and warned him not to try everything he sees on the Internet because some of it could cause physical damage. I’ve also explained that real sex is NOT like porn, and his future girlfriends are unlikely to beg for facials, fistings, or forced group sex. I’m concerned that he’s getting a warped view of what’s reasonable and safe. These mother-son chats are incredibly awkward, but I'm the most open-minded adult he's got to talk to. Now I have to figure out what to say.

So do I just let him have free-range webporn access with no comment? Describe all the ways sex can go wrong, like erotic asphyxiation or foreign body extractions at the ER? Hold heart-warming discussions over your weekly columns? Tell him to cease improvising sex toys until he’s 18 and can buy them for himself? Or—God help me—do I buy my son a dildo? I need a Savage Love Parenting book!

Bringing Up GGG Guy

My response after the jump...

It sounds to me like you’re doing everything right, mom. Letting him know that there's a big difference between porn/kabuki sex and real sex, ordering him to be considerate of others, warning him that most of the girls he winds up dating probably won't be interested in most of the shit he's beating off to. And those extended and awkward conversations when you "catch him"? A huge incentive for him to be careful he doesn't get caught.

One possible mistake that I'll point out before the howling mob does: your son's fondness for “improvised” insertable toys (he's penetrating himself, right?), and his desire for his very own dildo, may point to boyfriends in his future, not girlfriends. But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, BUGGGG, as you've caught him watching porn on multiple occasions. If he was gay, you son would be watching gay porn, and surely you would've mentioned that fact.

As for the dildo issue: I would strongly encourage you to get your pervy little straight boy his very own dildo. Get him a nice selection. (These are nice, if a little pricey. But isn't your son worth it?) If you know that he’s improvising insertable sex toys—using whatever he can get his hands on—then you know he's at risk of a trip to the ER for a “foreign-body extraction,” a.k.a. a doc digging the eggplant or hairbrush out of his ass. Knowing what you know, you are, as his parent and guardian, morally obligated to set aside your squeamishness and get the kid a few sex toys that are designed for butt play. (You also might want to get your son a book—I recommend Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health, and Babeland's Moregasm.)

Once you get him those butt toys, mom, you won't have to wonder if every hairbrush, broom handle, and cucumber in the house has been in your son's ass. That kind of peace of mind? Priceless.